First, last.

- Do you still remember her?
- Yes.
- I mean, do you still think about her?
- Yes, often.
- Do you remember what she looks like?
- I remember the last look she gave me.
- What look was that?
- Disappointment.
- Why?
- I guess she hoped I was a bigger man than I really am.
- I see.
- Do you?
- Most of my customers like to talk, too, you know.
- So what do you think?
- You liked it when it was fun. Once it got too serious, you didn't dare make a choice.
- ...That sounds about right.
- Don't feel too bad, you're restricted by your gender.
- Bullshit.
She lit a cigarette.
- Describe her to me.
- Hazelnut eyes, silky brown hair, milky white skin.
- You're such a romantic.
- I remember her perfume. Her scent, I mean. And her lips, the way they moved when she spoke.
- Can you still hear her?
He couldn't help but smile.
- Yeah.
- Yeah? What does she say?
- She says Hi. And then she hugs me and kisses my cheek. Tells me she missed me and how good it is to see each other again.
- What's she wearing?
- A sundress. Dark blue. Sunglasses on the top of her head.
- What are her shoes like?
- I'm not really a shoes kind of man.
- I'm just fucking with you.
She reached for another cigarette while he walked over to the corner where his pants lied neatly on a chair, picked them up, opened up his wallet and paid her.
- I guess we're done then.
- Stay. Finish your story.
- I wasn't aware I was telling one.
- Oh sweetie, we all are.
- May I put on my pants?
- Please do, nobody wants to see that thing.
- I thought you'd be comfortable around cocks by now.
- I meant the whole thing -she gestured at him, laughing, cigarette in mouth.
- I guess you don't have to be nice once you're off the clock.
- I'm just teasing - she shrugged -. Tell me about your first kiss.
- Summer night, spirits bar, cigarette break, she asked me to kiss her.
- She did not.
- Well, she implied it. And let me tell the story, you weren't even there.
- So we're telling a story now?
- We all are, aren't we?
- Go on.
- She was in a bad place, feeling bad about her life and she made some mistakes.
- What kind of mistakes?
- The kind we try to keep quiet. But she was telling me all about them.
- Interesting.
- I understood how she felt, I was in a similar place myself. I wanted to help her feel better and I offered a regular-above-the-waist hug. Then she said I could even try a non-regular hug. I didn't catch what she meant right away.
- Of course you didn't -she laughed.
- You wouldn't have either, you're just inferring it from context now.
- Back to the story.
- I said okay and I hugged her. I held her tight and breathed her in. It was energizing. I felt happy for the first time in months.
- That's sweet.
- Actually, that's not true. I felt happy every time I saw her smile or made her laugh. Or whenever she complimented me or called me dude. And every single time it felt like an eternity had happened since the last time I felt that way. Since the last time I saw her smile, the last time I made her laugh. It made me crave her.
- That's intense.
- Fuck yeah it is. Then... -he smiled.
- Then what?
- I felt her head moving towards me, moving back, I mean. I felt her face searching for my face. Her mouth searching for mine. And I felt her crave me.
- And then you kissed her.
- And then I kissed her. It was a sweet kiss. Tender. But it made my heart race. Hers was probably fine, with all that cardio.
- Was she smiling, afterwards?
- No.
- So you're not good at kissing, either?
- Hilarious. She considered it another mistake. She called herself a whore.
- That little shit. Saying it like it's a bad thing.
- Don't talk about her like that.
- You have to work for that name. I take offense.
- Are you done?
- What about the last time you saw her?
- I already told you about the look.
- How did you get there?
He laughed angrily.
- I've asked myself that question a million times.
- What is the answer?
- There isn't one.
- What was she wearing?
- Jeans and a jacket. Small purse.
- Are you a purse kind of man?
- I hadn't seen her in months. I wanted to memorize her. All of her. All the details.
- Tell them to me.
- I can't. I couldn't do it. As soon as she said why she was there, it all started falling apart.
- Why was she there?
- To say good bye.
- Did she?
- She did. I refused to believe it, but she meant it. She always meant things. Fuck. I tried to make jokes and have a pleasant last evening together, but that's not what she wanted. She didn't want a last night with me.
- You little shit.
- I walked her to her place. I held her hand all the time feeling I had no right to do so. I wanted to have her in my arms, on my skin, make it last forever.
- Forever never lasts.
- Forever lasted the 5 minute walk. We reached her place and she stood on the threshold. And I looked at her and she looked so beautiful, and she looked so sad, and I was so desperate knowing I would never see her again. Then I tried to kiss her.
- And then she gave you that look.
- And then she gave me that look.
- You little shit.
- It aches me, knowing that's the last memory I have of her. It aches me, knowing that's the last memory she has of me.
- You never saw her again?
- After that night, she disappeared. I looked everywhere. Couldn't find her. She made good on her promise.
- She really meant it.
- She always meant things.
- Fuck. -her phone rang- Sweetie, you have to go now.
He picked up the rest of his clothes and walked towards the door.
- I'll see you next week -he said.
She smiled tenderly, with a warmth that made him feel awkward.
- You'll see her again.
He closed the door behind him and thought to himself:
- I won't.